Are you looking for hope, guidance, and the kind of spiritual reassurance that a cult who gives out personality tests to find gullible people to brainwash into submission just can’t provide? Awesome.
Have you found yourself listening to Jason Mraz in your car, at home, or maybe even live, and caught yourself thinking that if only more people thought like him, we’d be a whole lot better off as a species? Brilliant.
And do you know where to draw the line between leisurely enthusiasm and obsessive devotion? Sweet. You’re totally in.
In to what? Into our new Jason Mraz-inspired faith-ish type thing. It’s something that I’ve had simmering in my head for a while now, what with most of the news from the world being bad and all. In times of trouble or despair, people look for answers, direction. For some that means returning to the faith they had as a child. For White Stripes fans, it might mean turning to a squirrel. For me, it usually means putting in one of my many Mraz live shows and letting the voice of our own town troubadour wash over me and scrub my soul clean.
So why not start a pseudo religion based on the words of the (Curbside) Prophet Mraz?
If cultspace.org can do it, so can I – although some of those Jedi people are really manic. I don’t think we should be challenging them to a holy war anytime soon. Besides, at… *deep breath*… 30, I’m still wondering what I should be when I grow up. Leader of a new music-based faith wasn’t high on my list of dream occupations, but what the hell, I’ll give it a shot. The hours are flexible and I don’t have to sit in a cubicle or share a bathroom.
Ground Rules… Well, Not Really Rules. More Like Guidelines.
Places of Worship
There will be no physical buildings involved – no churches, no pews, no statues, no alters, no stained glass, no tents or embassies or actual temples. All these things will have to exist inside you, and you’ll just have to plug into your ipod and imagine retreating to them when you’re in need of a little soul saving. My inner temple looks a lot like the Scharffen Berger chocolate factory, with the heavenly scent of processed cacao wafting into the hot tub room.
As far as actions, there is no praying, no dues paying, no kneeling, no eating of wafers or drinking of wine, no self-flagellation, no chanting and certainly no white shirt, bicycle-riding, magazine-passing-outing, door-to-door salesmanship of our beliefs. There is being kind to others, self-enlightenment and lifelong learning and exploring and growing, drinking and eating anything you like and not always in moderation, expressing yourself in whatever creative outlet you are most comfortable with (even if it’s yodeling or silkscreening t-shirts or painting house numbers on curbs, or being Canadian) and singing in the car, in the shower and in rowdy groups around campfires – but only spontaneously. No schedule must be maintained and there is no punishment for not doing it.
The Mrazian Universe
Cosmically, there is no heaven or hell in our book, no fear of damnation or eternity in flames. Your reward for being true to the Mrazonistic principles is walking around with a little hope and joy in your heart, libido firmly acknowledged and appreciated, knowing in your very core that you are truly alive and not just going through the motions. Your mind will be strong and your wit sharp. All devout Mrazonites will have incredibly quick, dry and cheesy senses of humor. Bad jokes are encouraged, but timing is key. Instead of punishment, the only thing that will happen by straying from the path of enlightenment is you will miss out on a lifetime of optimism, of seeing things not as they are, but how they could be, of looking for the best in people, but knowing that you might not always find it, and being ok with that. And you’ll never get the jokes.
And here’s our mantra: We won’t worry our lives away. Simple as that. Easily embroidered on a pillow (”Thou shalt not worry thou’s life away”, or the more commercial, “Don’t worry, be happy.”) and simple to repeat throughout the day while being cut off in traffic and such.
And what would Mraz say about all this? Well as a guy who seems to have his tongue in his cheek just as often as his heart is on his sleeve, I think he’d say that if we could get 10,000 motherfuckers to stand up and sing out loud… well… glory glory. That’ll do.