Category Archives: mrazturbation

Once More, With Mrazlicious Feeling

Jason Mraz hatIt’s Lisa’s Greatest Hits Week. This was one of my first posts and is still one of my favorites. It’s not easy trying to sum up the Jason Mraz experience just using words, but I think this comes tongue-tingling-ly close.

Mrazturbation: My Personal Portmanteau (2/28/2007)

It’s been a slow week, so let’s get back to the sex talk, yes?

To be honest, I don’t know where I first heard the word “mrazturbation”. I don’t think I came up with it, but I don’t want to deny it entirely, just in case somebody wants to give me credit.

My friends threw it around a lot in the early Jason Mraz? Who’s Jason Mraz? days, and my friend, Steve, started mrazturbation.com to share the love, and his Mraz-inspired cover art. From there it just morphed into the word we used to describe anything sexyhappy, or crazyartsy, or funnysmart.

For anyone who likes to play with language it’s a hot little word. Because it’s all about the wordplay, right? Nabokov was a genius at it, Dr. Seuss too. And if Jason decided to stop singing for whatever reason, I would be almost as happy if he just kept writing. His Karouac-meets-Calvin and Hobbes-translated-by-Gibran blogs can tame even the most beastly of bad days and put everything right again.

But back to the word of the day. I love the way it sounds, all full and sizzling in my mouth. It doesn’t roll off the tongue by any means, but creates friction with it, forcing you to use every little muscle in your mouth to get it up and out: Mr-azzz-tur-ba-tion.

The idea of a portmanteau is that two words bring their definitions together. They don’t lose their individual meanings, but rather combine them for even greater impact. So what do you get when you combine a smart and sensual curbside prophet with the practice of self-pleasure?

To me, Mrazturbation is the idea of bringing myself a little happiness by entering a Mraz-like state of hopefulness, kindness, sensuality, and intellect. It’s completing an act of selflessness, self-endulgence, or anything in between, depending on my mood. It’s finding one action a day that makes me happy to be me, that makes me think, “Life is really damn good. Bring on the cabana boys.”

Mrazturbation is a little bit of work to get both your mouth and your mind around, but the meaning is so spectacular, the two things melting so smooth and creamy in your soul, it’s like a spiritual fondue that you can dip into and come out that much zestier.

Snuggle me delicious,
Lisa

Advertisements

New Jason Mraz Shirts to Show Your Love

Daily Mrazturbation shirt
As long as you’re doing your holiday shopping, consider spreading the Curbside Prophet’s love and wisdom via these lovely tshirts. Keep in mind though that I’m a Cafepress amateur, so they may not be the kind of fancy that you’re used to. I’m getting better though, so check in at the Gift Shop from time to time to see what I’ve come up with.

Right now you you can get “Team Mraz”, “snuggle me delicious”, “practice daily mrazturbation”, or “curbside prophecies”.

Team Mraz shirtVisit http://www.cafepress.com/mrazalicious to see them all.

Walking in a winter wonderland,
Lisa


Rerun: Mrazturbation, My Personal Portmanteau

It’s been a slow week, so let’s get back to the sex talk, yes?

To be honest, I don’t know where I first heard the word “mrazturbation”. I don’t think I came up with it, but I don’t want to deny it entirely, just in case somebody wants to give me credit.

Jason Mraz hatMy friends threw it around a lot in the early Jason Mraz? Who’s Jason Mraz? days, and my friend, Steve, started mrazturbation.com to share the love, and his Mraz-inspired cover art. From there it just morphed into the word, with many variations, we used for anything sexyhappy, or crazyartsy, or funnysmart.

For anyone who likes to play with language it’s a hot little word. Because it’s all about the wordplay, right? Nabokov was a genius at it, Dr. Seuss too. And if Jason decided to stop singing for whatever reason, I would be almost as happy if he just kept writing. I love his Karouac-meets-Calvin and Hobbes-translated-by-Gibran blogs.

But back to the word of the day. I love the way it sounds, all full and sizzling in my mouth. It doesn’t roll off the tongue by any means, but creates friction with it, forcing you to use every little muscle in your mouth to get it up and out: Mr-azzz-tur-ba-tion.

The idea of a portmanteau is that two words bring their definitions together. They don’t lose their individual meanings, but rather combine them for even greater impact. So what do you get when you combine a smart and sensual curbside prophet with the practice of self-pleasure?

To me, Mrazturbation is the idea of bringing myself pleasure by entering a Mraz-like state of hopefulness, happiness, kindness, sensuality, and intellect. It’s completing an act of selflessness, self-endulgence, or anything in between, depending on my mood. It’s finding one action a day that makes me happy to be me, that makes me think, “Life is really damn good. Bring on the cabana boys.”

Mrazturbation is a little bit of work to get both your mouth and your mind around, but the meaning is so spectacular, the two things melting so smooth and creamy in your soul, it’s like a spiritual fondue that you can dip into and come out fresh and zesty.

Snuggle me delicious,
Lisa


Eat the Friendly Skies With Mraz PlaneAir

potato leek soupHello ladies and gentlemen. Thank you for joining me on the curbside today. It’s chilly outside so we’ll be passing around blankets and mugs of hot chocolate later, but right now just sit back, put on your favorite Jason Mraz mix, and relax while I bring us up to speed on the best in Mraztabatory fall eatings.

First, if you could take a quick look to your right you’ll see we have a link to Kerry’s cooking blog. Kerry is a talented chef and super groovy chick, and she has provided us with an exciting recipe for Potato and Leek Soup. This recipe was specially created at our request, and we thank her for putting together the perfect cure for the nearly-winter blues. We do recommend that you select a fresh, crusty French or sourdough bread to accompany the soup, but please tie a bib around any small children before starting on your own bowl.

Vosges chocolate trufflesNow if you’ll look straight ahead, I’m going to point out a few features of our dessert for today. If you’ve traveled with us before you’ll know that when it comes to chocolate, we settle for nothing but the very best here at Mraz PlaneAir. For that reason we are proud to recommend the Vosges Exotic Truffles. Not only are these handmade truffles exquisitely crafted, unbelievably melt-in-your-mouth fresh, and offered in flavors you won’t find anywhere else, but the customer service they provide is unparalleled.

Vosges Goji chocolate barJust to give you an example, a free sample that was supposed to be included with our last order was mistakenly left out. When we wrote to ask whether it was too late to receive the sample, the customer service rep replied within the hour to apologize and say it was on its way. Much to our suprise, the free candy bar was sent priority mail with the same six pounds of dry ice and cold packs that are sent with the truffles, to ensure it’s freshness and quality. Had we known that it would be so much trouble we never would have asked, but it’s that committment to customers and incredible level of service that has kept us loyal to Vosges, although we are still undecided as to whether the bacon truffle was enjoyable, or just creepy.

Thank you for your attention, and enjoy the rest of your time on the curbside.


Selected Mraztastic Baby Names for a Friend

My good friend, Steve, called the other night to let me in on some good news. After two years of marriage, he and his wife are still getting it on. Aww hells yeah. Oh, and also, his sperm is like maximum strength, and he and his wife are expecting a baby boy at the end of the year. Aww, sweet.

Once I got over the initial excitement of having a new baby in my extended Boston family (and another reason to go and visit more often), I moved on to the most important part of the creation of anything: naming rights. Steve is sure to get plenty of bids, but I’ve put together a list of real Bobby Dazzlers, sure to knock out all of the competition. I mean, why should celebrity babies get the most crazy monikers?

First, a bit of background on Steve: He is one of the kindest, funniest, most generous and creative people I know. He’s also a Grade A geek. Steve is the mastermind behind newmoanyeah.com, home of all things kung fu, sci-fi, and fanboy-esque. He’s also the one who got our whole group turned on to Jason Mraz, and he built the site mrazturbation.com as the original alter to our Curbside Prophet.

With that in mind, here are my offerings to little baby Lin, to help him forge his way into the world with the utmost marketing and branding potential.

Because a kid needs street cred:

  • Butcher – No one would dare pick on a kid named Butcher, and he could either go by the nickname “Butch” or take after his dad at the Chinese food kiosk in the mall and earn the label Butcher “Double Meat” Lin. That sounds bad ass.
  • 4real – Oh, wait. A New Zealand couple already tried this and a judge said it was illegal. Shockingly, this event did not result in the newborn being immediately taken into protective custody.
  • Chacarero – It just sounds tough, as long as you don’t know it’s the name of a sandwich. 

Because Steve has some wicked celebrity crushes:

  • Clarkson (because he loves Kelly)
  • Portman (because he loves Natalie)
  • Dushku (because he loves Eliza)
  • Hanley (because he loves Kay)
  • Sheik (because he loves Duncan)

Because Steve’s wife is gorgeous and the baby is sure to be a looker:David Tennant

  • Adonis
  • Orlando
  • Jude
  • Casanova
  • Roux – Johnny Depp’s sexiest character
  • David Tennant 

Because Rob Marrow named his daughter “Tu”:

  • Vio
  • Mando
  • Mer
  • Riddle
  • Zeppe
  • And if there’s ever a daughter, I recommend “Porsa”.

Because I’m living in Harry Potter world right now:

  • Auror
  • Griffin
  • Bludger
  • Horcrux
  • Accio
  • Erised – Not only a cool mirror, but it’s the word “desire” backwards. Chicks will totally dig it.

(FYI – You can find a whole list of Harry Potter-inspired baby names at Veritaserum.)

Because Steve says all Star Wars names have already been offered, but there are plenty of other obvious geek choices:

  • i – Any other children would then be marked as newer versions, i.e.: iLin 2.0, iLin 3.0, etc.
  • Bird of Prey – Do you think Eagle Eye Cherry or Moon Unit Zappa had it any easier?
  • Angel/Spike/Xander/Oz
  • Mulder
  • Stan Lee/Stanley
  • Wolverine
  • The Doctor 
  • Crichton
  • Teal’c
  • Sulu
  • Roswell
  • Neo/Morpheus
  • Trekker
  • Silinx – So that he can inherit all of dad’s URLs, email addresses, and whatnot.
  • MacGyver
  • Frodo

And of course, the most obvious choice of all:

  • Mraz Stephen Lin

How could the kid not turn out perfect with a name like that?

A chosen child in golden sun,
Lisa

Late editions: 

These suggestions just in from my equally HP-obsessed boss: Spinner, Apparate, Fawkes, Evanesco, and the one I wish I had come up with myself: Marauder. Try it out: Marauder Erised Lin. Yeah, that’s tasty.

Later editions from a tired and twisted mind:

  • Style Lin
  • Freewheel Lin

The “Idol” Worth Watching

The picture in the posting under this one is of “Eternal Idol”, a sculpture that isn’t at the Cantor Arts Center at Stanford. It’s my favorite Rodin work though so I had to include it. In fact, what the hell, I’ll include it again, this time in marble:
Eternal Idol

I have a special happy place in my heart for “Eternal Idol”, because I very clearly remember walking through the Musee Rodin in Paris, having spent dozens of hours in museums all over the city, not to mention the countless museums I had been to in other parts of the world, politely reading the little plaques next to each work and trying to take in all the names and dates and gaining a basic understanding of what separated the Impressionists from the Cubists from the Surrealists, and not really caring too much, other than to decide what I did and didn’t like and what I might be willing to hang on a wall, and after all of my dedicated gazing and reading and postcard buying and diligent consideration of form and structure and other art criticism vocabulary words, I stood in front of “Eternal Idol” and I just felt.

I felt my heart speed up a little, like I had accidentally stumbled on some intimate scene between lovers. It was like taking a shot of Mraztubation concentrate, without mixing in the two cans of tap water. I felt the strength and vulnerability of the woman, in a position of dominance, and yet looking like she was holding back and giving herself to him all at once, and the helpless, kneeling devotion of the man, and I thought it was the sexiest, most honest and evocative thing I had ever seen in a museum – a very Mraz, Bella Luna, “How you swoon me like no other” kind of pose where eros meets agape.

And in that moment it was like someone flipped a switch and I ‘got’ art. It’s the same feeling of clarity I had when Jason Mraz brought the whole world to a standstill – I swear the Earth stopped turning, just for a minute – by performing 10,000 Motherfuckers in Saratoga last summer. Just… click.

I’m not saying I was an art dunce before that, or that I’m an expert art critic now, but after that close encounter of the bronze kind, paintings and sculptures and architecture all came more alive for me and I was able to see them as more than just the facts listed in the guidebooks, or as being something other than just “pretty” or “God awful”, although I do still find myself thinking, “Dear God, that’s really awful” more often than is probably fair. I mean, somebody has to work on the crazy end of the creative spectrum, making portraits of the royal family out of recycled pantyhose and motor oil just to balance out the number of puff paint sweatshirts brought into the world every year.

Having said that, I think karma will ensure that someday I wind up with several grandchildren, all of whom will love to make their Nana shirts decorated with poofy pink handprints and kitty cats and smiley faces for every holiday, and I will wear them proudly.

Lovely.

P.S. – My, oh my. I just went looking for a link to a good puff paint site and I swear, I swear, I could not have made this up. This is what middle America considers a good time art, although it sounds like it should be punishable by law:

Angels are behind grandchildren! – Insert cardboard into a t-shirt and pin back excess so that it is ready to paint on. This will need at least two people and a young child in a good mood! Paint the child’s bottom with any color of acrylic paint. Sit child on the shirt so that it leaves a fanny impression. Wash up child! Let paint dry. The butt cheeks are the angel wings. Paint a face or use a photo iron-on of the child.  Make a “cone” of lace for the dress.  Glue on a halo made from a pearl string.

Butt cheek angel wings. My day just got a whole lot funnier.


Unexpected Gifts = Mrazturbation

I used to have at least five or six pen pals when I was in high school and junior high. Sadly, I have lost touch with all of them, although sometimes I think about sticking a few postcards in the mail to see if any of them write back.

With the end of the pen pal era came the end of fancy packages and envelopes marked with shiny foreign stamps of birds and crowns and mountains I’d never heard of. The older I got, the more mundane the contents of my mailbox seemed to be. Rory Gilmore was right, postcard writing is a dying art. I’ll send a dozen from everywhere I go, even if it’s just for lunch in San Francisco, and I’m lucky to get back two or three a year. Sad, really.

Over the weekend though, my mailman brought me a flat, square envelope, wrapped liberally in packing tape and decorated with five different stamps – two of birds, two of mountains, and one with some old dead guy. After much peeling and careful cutting, it turned out to be a CD and letter from my English friend Luke, who I met in Australia five years ago, and who is now in Japan. He’s an international jet-setter, in a starving student sort of way. It wasn’t my birthday or a holiday or any kind of special occasion. He just thought it would be fun to send me something and say a quick “toodle pip”. Because that’s how all English people talk. I’ll bet Jason Mraz would sound really neat saying “toodle pip” and “tally ho”.

Have you licked a stamp for someone you love lately?

P.S. – Happy Canadian Holiday, Chris L! I don’t know what Victoria Day is, but I hope you get to eat cookies for it, maybe shaped like old Vicky herself.