Sin All You Want. Just Take Out Insurance First.

I got this email the other day from a friend in Nebraska who works in insurance.

“Today I called the Nebraska Department of Insurance to see if I would need licensing by the state to sell ‘Rapture Insurance’. This will help insure people against the adverse effects in case Jesus returns to take the faithful, and they are not selected. I was surprised that the woman on the other line was willing to have a serious conversation with me about this topic. Apparently when you work for a state’s department of insurance you’re immune to finding anything unusual.”

It just staggers the mind.

What I find most bizarre isn’t so much that people think the Rapture could really happen (seriously… fighting the urge… to go Simpsons anecdote crazy… oof), it’s that people think that in a reality where the Rapture could happen, the same reality would still contain something like insurance. I mean, if Jesus shows up, do they think they’ll watch it on FOX, make a Hot Pocket, get a good night’s sleep, then head over to the insurance office in the morning to pick up their check? Because my version would involve a lot of burning and supernatural events, and would not include grocery shopping, paying a cable bill, or using a Rapture Insurance check to head to Home Depot for supplies.

I know that people whose religious beliefs are so out there that they would ever consider this kind of insurance is probably a very small minority, but all the same, I think I’ll stick to my made-up Jason Mraz-influenced spirituality, with a hint of Bokononist-style physical affection and a dash of Oompa Loompa common sense.

Given good manners you will go far,


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