I’m going to visit my ex this week. We haven’t seen each other in a year and a half, and while I’m excited, I’m also nervous. What if it’s horrible and uncomfortable? Even worse, what if all my old feelings come back and I realize I made a horrible mistake by leaving when I did? At least if it’s horrible I can come home without any regrets, right?
It’s not like we had a big, angry falling out. In fact, most of my memories are really happy ones, some of the best times of my life even. I was still in love and lust and a good deal of like, but I was also feeling closed in. I was young, I wanted to explore my options, see what else was out there. I didn’t want to become so complacent and tied down that my entire life might pass by without me ever getting to find out if I could have done better. So I packed my bags one day, tearful, but also confident that it was the right thing to do.
I’ve had some very good times since then, experiences that I know I never would have had if I hadn’t broken it off when I did. I usually look back with fondness and nostalgia, but not longing. But I don’t know if that’s because I truly am better off now, or if it’s more a case of “out of sight, out of mind”. Maybe face-to-face, it will be harder to decide if I made the right choice, and harder to say good bye again.
Will I recognize Boston? Will Boston recognize me? Or will I just be another California girl who once had a fling with the East Coast, but reverted back to her West Coast ways?
I’ll have dinner with the North End and let you know.
Hand you a square of the airport,