I was handed Mrazturbation on a plate today. Sounds messy, hmm? Well I’m talking about a little dish of happiness and thankfulness, not unchecked libido, so don’t get too excited.
I was doing my morning myspace check to see who had written to me overnight. Usually it’s the same couple of people, but every now and then I get a surprise. Myspace is great for that – letting old college or high school friends look me up and drop me a note to say where they are and how many kids they have and what they think is going to happen on Lost next week.
But myspace is also horrible for the same reason, letting ex-boyfriends find me and leer, popping up out of the blue after eight peaceful years have gone by just to say, “Hey. Saw ur profile. Thought I’d see how u are.” Ugh. He still can’t write.
So now I have a big case of “please don’t tell him that I miss him, because I don’t” (nobody gives a musical kiss off like Jason Mraz), but there’s always that curiosity factor too. Just what has dude been up to all this time, and why is he looking for me now?
For advice, I forwarded the silly little message on to a friend to ask whether she thought it would be better to show him how little I thought of him by ignoring him altogether, or if I should write back to say hello and see if he actually has anything to say or if he’s just going to grunt back, “Cool. Talk to u l8r.”
She responded that I should write back and make up a bunch of stuff about myself to impress him, and this is where it gets interesting. Because a couple of years ago I probably would have agreed with her and come up with some great story about me, a book deal, and a rodeo cowboy. (That would have been before the real rodeo cowboy, who was awesome.) Now though, I just thought, why do I need to invent anything? I totally rock – good job, great friends, many tales of adventure and debauchery, still sexy after all these years – and I sure as hell don’t have to work to impress a lazy, selfish, arrogant schmuck like him.
And as soon as that thought cleared my head I went from feeling greasy and creeped out that this guy had weasled his way into my corner of the web, to feeling like I’d been given a little gift. I was handed a pretty package of personal growth with a self-esteem mirror inside so that I could see just how much more I thought of myself now than I did when I was with him, and I’m damn impressed.
Leave your past behind and wake up to an all new you. The Prophet would be proud.
I’m crazy like the rest of us,